A TRIBUTE TO ANDREW & JARRETT BURKHOLDER
My life now is totally different, weird, strange, eerily quiet without my rambunctious boys and also very, very lonesome. For their
entire lives, I was here every day taking care of them. I called them Cain and Abel because they loved to fight. At times, I am
positive they did it just to drive me nuts! It still stuns me that they're BOTH gone. We had a rule that you couldn't ask WHY
questions. So, I can't ask WHY did my children die? Why did Jarrett ride home with Andrew? I can't ask WHY didn't I encase
them in bubble wrap? Why didn't I know this was going to happen so I could do something differently? What could I have done?
I have to trust that God knows what's going on, otherwise, I would have lost my mind already. That's faith, I guess. But this past
year hasn't been easy.
entire lives, I was here every day taking care of them. I called them Cain and Abel because they loved to fight. At times, I am
positive they did it just to drive me nuts! It still stuns me that they're BOTH gone. We had a rule that you couldn't ask WHY
questions. So, I can't ask WHY did my children die? Why did Jarrett ride home with Andrew? I can't ask WHY didn't I encase
them in bubble wrap? Why didn't I know this was going to happen so I could do something differently? What could I have done?
I have to trust that God knows what's going on, otherwise, I would have lost my mind already. That's faith, I guess. But this past
year hasn't been easy.
After we got to the hospital, we went to the waiting room. Could I go
and see him? Sure. I walked in and Krissy was in the room. I asked
how he was doing, and she gave me the latest update. Then, she told
me the incredible part of this story.
The night before, Uncle Bob had been hallucinating all night. He saw
monkeys behind the Christmas tree and big spiders on the walls.
THEN, he said, "I see two boys outside looking in the window at me."
At first, I didn't realize what she was talking about and what it meant.
Then, she told me again. Don't you get it - TWO boys outside the
window? Andrew and Jarrett had come to help their uncle - the
father of their two favorite cousins (KrissyKaren) on his journey to
heaven. What good boys! An act of kindness - an act of love.
and see him? Sure. I walked in and Krissy was in the room. I asked
how he was doing, and she gave me the latest update. Then, she told
me the incredible part of this story.
The night before, Uncle Bob had been hallucinating all night. He saw
monkeys behind the Christmas tree and big spiders on the walls.
THEN, he said, "I see two boys outside looking in the window at me."
At first, I didn't realize what she was talking about and what it meant.
Then, she told me again. Don't you get it - TWO boys outside the
window? Andrew and Jarrett had come to help their uncle - the
father of their two favorite cousins (KrissyKaren) on his journey to
heaven. What good boys! An act of kindness - an act of love.
If anyone has read this far in my tribute to the boys, I'm
going to tell you a story that is seemingly bizarre and at
the same time incredibly comforting. When the boys'
grandpa, Glen Burkholder, died on January 14, 2002,
we were glad that we had seen Grandpa two weeks
previous when we traveled to Florida for Christmas
vacation.
For some reason, the boys got along very well on the
trip and didn't complain much - quite out of character
for them. It was basically uneventful (meaning no
fights) and as we look back, grateful for the fact that we
had seen Grandpa one more time, and he seemed to
be doing quite well.
going to tell you a story that is seemingly bizarre and at
the same time incredibly comforting. When the boys'
grandpa, Glen Burkholder, died on January 14, 2002,
we were glad that we had seen Grandpa two weeks
previous when we traveled to Florida for Christmas
vacation.
For some reason, the boys got along very well on the
trip and didn't complain much - quite out of character
for them. It was basically uneventful (meaning no
fights) and as we look back, grateful for the fact that we
had seen Grandpa one more time, and he seemed to
be doing quite well.
Grandpa was to be buried in Illinois, so his body was flown back for the visitation on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. While
the boys were at school on Friday, I put together family photos remembering Glen Burkholder's life. At some point in the late
morning, I realized that I didn't have a suitable coat. I drove to Stein Mart in St. Charles and bought the perfect coat. Long and
black with a hood and on sale. As I got back in my car after purchasing the coat, I realized that I was NOT alone. Grandpa's
spirit was sitting in the front seat next to me. Now, you might ask me, "How did you know it was Grandpa?" Well, two weeks
before while we were in Florida, I drove to the Olive Garden and that's where Grandpa sat - in the front seat next to me! He was
there once again, but this time he was invisible.
He just sat there and was as happy as he could be. I was ecstatic that he had come to comfort me but obviously, I couldn't tell
anyone. People would not believe me. "Are you nuts?" and "Why would he come to see YOU?" I guess because I've always
strongly felt that though our bodies die, our souls don't die. I mean, really, really believe it!! We go somewhere else. You can call
it whatever you want. It doesn't really matter to me. After you lose two children in one fell swoop, you have to find something that
makes sense. No one can really tell you WHAT to believe. It's either there inside you or it isn't. I didn't tell anyone for a long, long
time about Grandpa's visit. When I did, no one really believed me anyway. But, I didn't care. Grandpa was around for about 3
days off and on and then he was gone as quickly as he had come.
the boys were at school on Friday, I put together family photos remembering Glen Burkholder's life. At some point in the late
morning, I realized that I didn't have a suitable coat. I drove to Stein Mart in St. Charles and bought the perfect coat. Long and
black with a hood and on sale. As I got back in my car after purchasing the coat, I realized that I was NOT alone. Grandpa's
spirit was sitting in the front seat next to me. Now, you might ask me, "How did you know it was Grandpa?" Well, two weeks
before while we were in Florida, I drove to the Olive Garden and that's where Grandpa sat - in the front seat next to me! He was
there once again, but this time he was invisible.
He just sat there and was as happy as he could be. I was ecstatic that he had come to comfort me but obviously, I couldn't tell
anyone. People would not believe me. "Are you nuts?" and "Why would he come to see YOU?" I guess because I've always
strongly felt that though our bodies die, our souls don't die. I mean, really, really believe it!! We go somewhere else. You can call
it whatever you want. It doesn't really matter to me. After you lose two children in one fell swoop, you have to find something that
makes sense. No one can really tell you WHAT to believe. It's either there inside you or it isn't. I didn't tell anyone for a long, long
time about Grandpa's visit. When I did, no one really believed me anyway. But, I didn't care. Grandpa was around for about 3
days off and on and then he was gone as quickly as he had come.
Andrew, Grandpa Burkholder, Jarrett
After the boys died, I called my friend, Carol, who's a psychic. She communicated with the boys' spirits and they told her to tell
me that they were very proud of me and that they had come to earth to be my teachers. And they did teach me that God loves us
all unconditionally and forgives us. Those two little weasels tried my patience every day of my life, but I loved them more than I
can tell you and I always, always forgave them. She also told me that when they died, Grandpa Burkholder was there to meet
them. That explanation made it clear why Grandpa had come to visit me after he died. Andrew's spirit tried to get back in his
body, but Grandpa told him that he had been hurt too much to survive, and it was time to go. The body was battered but his spirit
was not, could not and would never be broken. But I've always believed that our children are gifts from God, and He chose to
take mine back home again using grandpa as their guide to heaven.
me that they were very proud of me and that they had come to earth to be my teachers. And they did teach me that God loves us
all unconditionally and forgives us. Those two little weasels tried my patience every day of my life, but I loved them more than I
can tell you and I always, always forgave them. She also told me that when they died, Grandpa Burkholder was there to meet
them. That explanation made it clear why Grandpa had come to visit me after he died. Andrew's spirit tried to get back in his
body, but Grandpa told him that he had been hurt too much to survive, and it was time to go. The body was battered but his spirit
was not, could not and would never be broken. But I've always believed that our children are gifts from God, and He chose to
take mine back home again using grandpa as their guide to heaven.
This poem was written by my dear friend, Ginny,
on the one year anniversary of the deaths of
Andrew and Jarrett. ~March 2004
on the one year anniversary of the deaths of
Andrew and Jarrett. ~March 2004
This past December (2003), the boys' Uncle Bob was very sick. He had a
host of maladies and had lived tethered to his oxygen tank for the past
year. He didn't have long to live.
That Friday, I talked to both Krissy and Karen (his daughters) and they said
that everyone was at the hospital in Rochelle. I told them we would be there
after my Bob got home from work. We drove to Rochelle quietly talking
about Bob and his struggles but assuming that he would get better. He
was an incredibly gifted gardener, and I figured he had to get out to his
garden in the spring.
host of maladies and had lived tethered to his oxygen tank for the past
year. He didn't have long to live.
That Friday, I talked to both Krissy and Karen (his daughters) and they said
that everyone was at the hospital in Rochelle. I told them we would be there
after my Bob got home from work. We drove to Rochelle quietly talking
about Bob and his struggles but assuming that he would get better. He
was an incredibly gifted gardener, and I figured he had to get out to his
garden in the spring.
March 2004 - On March 3, 2003, my sweet children,
Andrew and Jarrett, were involved in a fatal automobile
accident while Andrew was driving in a bad snowstorm.
Yes, they were wearing their seatbelts. No, they weren't
drunk or high on drugs when they crashed. As they were
coming home from school, Andrew started to fishtail on
an icy patch of road and lost control of his car. It's called
an accident because it's not an on-purpose.
The lady who ran into them didn't plan on running into my
children. It was an accident. You've heard it before,
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
Jarrett died immediately and Andrew was pronounced
dead two days later in the hospital EXACTLY 48 hours
after Jarrett died. My life changed forever at 2:40 p.m.
March 3, 2003. Never again to be the same.
Sometimes it seems like it happened yesterday, and
other times it seems like it happened a million years ago.
Andrew and Jarrett, were involved in a fatal automobile
accident while Andrew was driving in a bad snowstorm.
Yes, they were wearing their seatbelts. No, they weren't
drunk or high on drugs when they crashed. As they were
coming home from school, Andrew started to fishtail on
an icy patch of road and lost control of his car. It's called
an accident because it's not an on-purpose.
The lady who ran into them didn't plan on running into my
children. It was an accident. You've heard it before,
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
Jarrett died immediately and Andrew was pronounced
dead two days later in the hospital EXACTLY 48 hours
after Jarrett died. My life changed forever at 2:40 p.m.
March 3, 2003. Never again to be the same.
Sometimes it seems like it happened yesterday, and
other times it seems like it happened a million years ago.
It doesn't matter whether you believe me or not. I'm not trying to get anyone to think like I do or be like me because I have my own
journey which only I can go on. But I do know that those two guys came to earth for a reason, whatever it was and however I
choose to interpret it, and I'll never, ever forget them and I'll always and forever love them to the depths of my soul. I miss them
every single day and every single minute that they've been gone, and as I write this I'm crying because I'm so very, very sad.
But when I die, I'll be reunited with them. I certainly would never take my own life so don't worry about that. But, I won't be sad
when it's my time to go because how could I be when I get to see Jesus and Andrew & Jarrett and Grandpa & Uncle Bob and all
the other ones I've loved on earth. It was an honor to be their mother. I know they didn't make it easy for me, but they taught me
love and isn't that the point of all this? Love one another as I have loved you. God bless you all, djb
journey which only I can go on. But I do know that those two guys came to earth for a reason, whatever it was and however I
choose to interpret it, and I'll never, ever forget them and I'll always and forever love them to the depths of my soul. I miss them
every single day and every single minute that they've been gone, and as I write this I'm crying because I'm so very, very sad.
But when I die, I'll be reunited with them. I certainly would never take my own life so don't worry about that. But, I won't be sad
when it's my time to go because how could I be when I get to see Jesus and Andrew & Jarrett and Grandpa & Uncle Bob and all
the other ones I've loved on earth. It was an honor to be their mother. I know they didn't make it easy for me, but they taught me
love and isn't that the point of all this? Love one another as I have loved you. God bless you all, djb
"Welcome home, Uncle Bob!"
Bye bye, Mama
Andrew on his
way to school,
waving to his
mom...
way to school,
waving to his
mom...
Jarrett on his
way to school,
waving to his
mom...
way to school,
waving to his
mom...
Bye bye, Mama
| BYE BYE, SWEET BOYS, I LOVE YOU, TOO. SEE YA LATER.... |