February 25, 26, 27, 28, 2005 - Remembering
Friday - February 25, 2005 - I guess my plan backfired.
Hmmm. The best laid plans of mice and men and me...have
gone astray. I thought that I'd hear from more people. I
needed to hear from people but I think I just bummed
everyone out. I scared everyone. I made 'em cry. People
don't want to cry any more.
It really was part of my "grief work" to go back and read
everything and go through all the pictures from the visitation
and funeral. There were pictures of the boys in their caskets
- tasteful, yet extremely upsetting - but I didn't put those in
here. I can hear some people saying, "Yeah, duh. Thanks."
And yet, that was the last time I saw them which is kind of
weird and creepy when you think about it but it was my
heart-wrenching, sad reality.
Of course, I suppose most people don't think about that. I
HAVE TO. It's part of my job. Part of the grief work, I think, is
over-saturation and then a sort of de-sensitization of the
intense feelings. Overload, then stability.
This probably makes NO SENSE to anyone but me. Sorry. I
sound like a whiny baby today. I am a sore loser.
I know Andrew and Jarrett's reaction to last night's game
(where the Kaneland girl's basketball team lost) would be
something like the pictures in here today. God bless the
boys and God bless the girls. see ya, djb
Hmmm. The best laid plans of mice and men and me...have
gone astray. I thought that I'd hear from more people. I
needed to hear from people but I think I just bummed
everyone out. I scared everyone. I made 'em cry. People
don't want to cry any more.
It really was part of my "grief work" to go back and read
everything and go through all the pictures from the visitation
and funeral. There were pictures of the boys in their caskets
- tasteful, yet extremely upsetting - but I didn't put those in
here. I can hear some people saying, "Yeah, duh. Thanks."
And yet, that was the last time I saw them which is kind of
weird and creepy when you think about it but it was my
heart-wrenching, sad reality.
Of course, I suppose most people don't think about that. I
HAVE TO. It's part of my job. Part of the grief work, I think, is
over-saturation and then a sort of de-sensitization of the
intense feelings. Overload, then stability.
This probably makes NO SENSE to anyone but me. Sorry. I
sound like a whiny baby today. I am a sore loser.
I know Andrew and Jarrett's reaction to last night's game
(where the Kaneland girl's basketball team lost) would be
something like the pictures in here today. God bless the
boys and God bless the girls. see ya, djb
Saturday - February 26, 2005 - After March 3rd, I'm going to
get rid of the BLACK background because it's starting to
depress me out! Although it is the perfect background for the
black and white pictures. Bob and I are having a really hard
time living. We always "lived" for the boys. I know you're not
supposed to live through your children, but we were OLD
when they were born and....
as long as I can remember I wanted to have kids. It's such
an odd and strange and crazy thing that they died.
I hate to sound like a broken record but we still see people
NOT appreciating their children. Not treating them right. Not
understanding that they're a gift from God. It truly disturbs us.
We keep asking, "What's the point?" "What's OUR point?"
"Why are WE still here?" hmmmm Only God knows. Maybe
if the weather were nicer, I'd be outside in my flower bed
working hard instead of THINKING too much. That's my
problem. Thinking too much.
Sometimes, I have to stop myself from remembering some
thing or another thing about Andrew and Jarrett because it
just makes me cry and makes me sad. Laugh and the world
laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. I'm really not as
depressed or upset as I sound, I suppose a big part of it is
the two year anniversary of their deaths that brings everything
together in a sharper focus.
I'm going to invite people on a separate page to come to the
cemetery to "celebrate their lives" on March 3. Bob and I will
be there all day. The only problem I see is WHAT TIME do we
get there? As long as the kids who experienced their deaths
are still in our high school, we'll be there on that day - so that
would be next year for sure.
There's a picture that makes me laugh. BOTH boys have
their blankies. I remember when Andrew would get up from
his nap and come into the living room, he'd be carrying ALL
of his blankies. I called him "Blankie Boy."
You couldn't see him because he had so many, and I still
have a few of them to remind me that he was really here on
the earth and not just a figment of my imagination. bye, djb
get rid of the BLACK background because it's starting to
depress me out! Although it is the perfect background for the
black and white pictures. Bob and I are having a really hard
time living. We always "lived" for the boys. I know you're not
supposed to live through your children, but we were OLD
when they were born and....
as long as I can remember I wanted to have kids. It's such
an odd and strange and crazy thing that they died.
I hate to sound like a broken record but we still see people
NOT appreciating their children. Not treating them right. Not
understanding that they're a gift from God. It truly disturbs us.
We keep asking, "What's the point?" "What's OUR point?"
"Why are WE still here?" hmmmm Only God knows. Maybe
if the weather were nicer, I'd be outside in my flower bed
working hard instead of THINKING too much. That's my
problem. Thinking too much.
Sometimes, I have to stop myself from remembering some
thing or another thing about Andrew and Jarrett because it
just makes me cry and makes me sad. Laugh and the world
laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. I'm really not as
depressed or upset as I sound, I suppose a big part of it is
the two year anniversary of their deaths that brings everything
together in a sharper focus.
I'm going to invite people on a separate page to come to the
cemetery to "celebrate their lives" on March 3. Bob and I will
be there all day. The only problem I see is WHAT TIME do we
get there? As long as the kids who experienced their deaths
are still in our high school, we'll be there on that day - so that
would be next year for sure.
There's a picture that makes me laugh. BOTH boys have
their blankies. I remember when Andrew would get up from
his nap and come into the living room, he'd be carrying ALL
of his blankies. I called him "Blankie Boy."
You couldn't see him because he had so many, and I still
have a few of them to remind me that he was really here on
the earth and not just a figment of my imagination. bye, djb
Sunday - February 27, 2005 - I remember when we flew
down to Orlando for Grandpa and Grandma Berg's 50th
wedding anniversary in 1996. It was 6 weeks after I had my
spleen out. I was NOT doing well at all. When we got on the
airplane, I sat between Andrew and Jarrett. As I recall, they
were quite well-behaved. I think they acted better than I did.
They had a lot of fun playing with the Bryan kids (the kids
Diane nannied for). As I was looking for photos, I came
across the picture of me showing the scar from my
splenectomy. EXTREME photo! Out of respect for decency, I
won't put it on here! hahaha It is hilarious.
Of course, Grandpa Berg had just had open heart surgery
DAYS BEFORE the anniversary party. Aunt Helen had
surgery related to her breast cancer. It was quite something
to see all of us pitiful people.
Didn't Granny get bit by some ants while we were getting our
pictures taken? Then her ankle swelled up because she's
allergic to ant bites. Something like that.
I just remember the kids had fun running around. I gave
them each a disposable camera to take pictures. If I find
them, I'll put some of them on here because they are very
funny because all the pictures are from "their" perspective
which is completely different from a tall, grown person.
I just want to get this up and running. So, Happy 59th
Anniversary to the Bergs. bye bye for now. later, djb
down to Orlando for Grandpa and Grandma Berg's 50th
wedding anniversary in 1996. It was 6 weeks after I had my
spleen out. I was NOT doing well at all. When we got on the
airplane, I sat between Andrew and Jarrett. As I recall, they
were quite well-behaved. I think they acted better than I did.
They had a lot of fun playing with the Bryan kids (the kids
Diane nannied for). As I was looking for photos, I came
across the picture of me showing the scar from my
splenectomy. EXTREME photo! Out of respect for decency, I
won't put it on here! hahaha It is hilarious.
Of course, Grandpa Berg had just had open heart surgery
DAYS BEFORE the anniversary party. Aunt Helen had
surgery related to her breast cancer. It was quite something
to see all of us pitiful people.
Didn't Granny get bit by some ants while we were getting our
pictures taken? Then her ankle swelled up because she's
allergic to ant bites. Something like that.
I just remember the kids had fun running around. I gave
them each a disposable camera to take pictures. If I find
them, I'll put some of them on here because they are very
funny because all the pictures are from "their" perspective
which is completely different from a tall, grown person.
I just want to get this up and running. So, Happy 59th
Anniversary to the Bergs. bye bye for now. later, djb
Monday - February 28, 2005 - I'm almost finished with my
month-long remembering page and it's been a long one! I
told myself I'd do it during February. Right now, I'm trying to
decide how to handle it after March 3rd. But I won't think about
that today - I'll do whatever I decide.
I did make a page to invite anyone who has an inclination to
come to the cemetery this Thursday. Bob and I will be there
all day. From reading the weather reports, I see that I'll have
to bundle up. I don't like to be COLD. Of course, the road in
the cemetery will appreciate cold weather. Last year, it was
all muddy and messy. Not the case, this year.
There are so many things I remember about the day of the
accident - most of them I'd rather forget. One thing I had
forgotten was that the night before it got very cold, so I moved
my car out of the garage, and Andrew put his car in so it would
be warm in the morning.
He would normally spend 20 minutes every day warming up
his car. I had completely and totally forgotten about that until I
read an e-mail I had written that morning to my folks when my
world was still boring and normal.
I'm sure some people wonder why we let him drive a sports
type car in the winter. There's one thing that everyone seems
to forget or isn't aware of. Andrew drove that car out to school
every day for almost a year without so much as a scratch on it.
Although one night when he was coming home, he did get a
scratch when he hit that gigantic raccoon on Green Road.
Apparently, Rocky thought he was too big for anyone to hit
him. Ouch! Andrew did manage to swerve but it was too late.
He only had one speeding ticket. That was on Hughes Road
coming home from school right after he got his license. After
he went to Bad Driver School, he never got another one.
There was a policeman in Elburn who stopped some young
guys in a car shortly after the boys had died, he told them that
they'd better put their seatbelts on because those kids who
died in that accident weren't wearing their seat belts. BIG FAT
FREAKING LIAR. Yeah, they were wearing their seatbelts.
That's something that has amused me over the years - all the
rumors that flew. One was that Bob and I weren't married.
Another was that Andrew was drunk. Andrew was high.
My favorite question from some Idiot-Boy at Kaneland was:
"What's the big deal over those two kids?" Right after the
words were spewed out of his mouth, someone punched
him. High School - ya gotta love it.
Did you hear what Bill Gates said over the weekend????? It's
something I've been saying for years. Our high schools are
obsolete. Good luck finding his comments. Very true and
enlightening. I must be going now. It's almost 10 am and I've
been at this since 6 am. hasta la vista, djb
month-long remembering page and it's been a long one! I
told myself I'd do it during February. Right now, I'm trying to
decide how to handle it after March 3rd. But I won't think about
that today - I'll do whatever I decide.
I did make a page to invite anyone who has an inclination to
come to the cemetery this Thursday. Bob and I will be there
all day. From reading the weather reports, I see that I'll have
to bundle up. I don't like to be COLD. Of course, the road in
the cemetery will appreciate cold weather. Last year, it was
all muddy and messy. Not the case, this year.
There are so many things I remember about the day of the
accident - most of them I'd rather forget. One thing I had
forgotten was that the night before it got very cold, so I moved
my car out of the garage, and Andrew put his car in so it would
be warm in the morning.
He would normally spend 20 minutes every day warming up
his car. I had completely and totally forgotten about that until I
read an e-mail I had written that morning to my folks when my
world was still boring and normal.
I'm sure some people wonder why we let him drive a sports
type car in the winter. There's one thing that everyone seems
to forget or isn't aware of. Andrew drove that car out to school
every day for almost a year without so much as a scratch on it.
Although one night when he was coming home, he did get a
scratch when he hit that gigantic raccoon on Green Road.
Apparently, Rocky thought he was too big for anyone to hit
him. Ouch! Andrew did manage to swerve but it was too late.
He only had one speeding ticket. That was on Hughes Road
coming home from school right after he got his license. After
he went to Bad Driver School, he never got another one.
There was a policeman in Elburn who stopped some young
guys in a car shortly after the boys had died, he told them that
they'd better put their seatbelts on because those kids who
died in that accident weren't wearing their seat belts. BIG FAT
FREAKING LIAR. Yeah, they were wearing their seatbelts.
That's something that has amused me over the years - all the
rumors that flew. One was that Bob and I weren't married.
Another was that Andrew was drunk. Andrew was high.
My favorite question from some Idiot-Boy at Kaneland was:
"What's the big deal over those two kids?" Right after the
words were spewed out of his mouth, someone punched
him. High School - ya gotta love it.
Did you hear what Bill Gates said over the weekend????? It's
something I've been saying for years. Our high schools are
obsolete. Good luck finding his comments. Very true and
enlightening. I must be going now. It's almost 10 am and I've
been at this since 6 am. hasta la vista, djb
Andrew and Jarrett - love the look.
Andrew and Jarrett - Let's clap our hands.
Andrew and Jarrett - kiss my brother.
Grandma & Grandpa - the 50th Anniversary
Gayla, Donna and Armond with balloons
Jarrett & Andrew - two separate pictures.
Andrew & Jarrett - I forgot about this one.
Jarrett & Andrew - lots of blankies.
