Daily Journal - March 4 & 5, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008 - We had such a special day
yesterday. It was fun to hear from so many wonderful
people we hadn't heard from in a long time. And to see
those hard core folks who came out to the cemetery as they
do every year to pay their respects always warms our frozen
hearts. It's muddy, icy, snowy & cold out there. brrr
I know everyone is busy with their lives and we're not the
only ones in the world who have lost their children but the
people who make the effort to do something special and
leave their comfort zones really make our day happier.
A few minutes ago, I realized something kind of amazing
about last night's dinner at Rosita's. Bob and I got there a
little early and weren't sure exactly how many would show
up, so the lovely ladies who work there, put three tables
together so that we had enough room for 14 people. There
were eventually 11 of us.
While I was thinking about that, all of sudden, I realized that
the three empty chairs represented Andrew, Jarrett and who
else but Marcus. That's why it seemed as if there were a lot
more people there than actually were.... because their
ethereal spirits were with us and filled the empty spaces with
their heavenly aura and their loving light. It was simply a
magical feeling.
Marcus spoke at their funeral....and he was absolutely
hilarious. Every year, on March 3rd, he'd come to the
cemetery without fail. John's mom informed me that Marcus
visited the boys' grave a lot over the years. I learned that bit
of information while I was walking into the wake being held
for Marcus on November 24, 2006. What an amazing and
thoughtful young man.
Colleen and Jeannette gave me (us) a bouquet of flowers
that were beautiful and bright. When I put them in a vase, I
was struck by the thought -- "these are Jarrett colors." Vivid
yellows and oranges. He left an indelible impression --
distinct and brilliant!
The other amazing thing that happened, besides me not
being berserk, was that I didn't take one single picture. Say
what? ME? Not one. Not until we were driving home from
DeKalb, did I realize that I hadn't gotten my camera out all
day.
Rather than try to record the events of the day, I simply
immersed myself in each occasion that we were fortunate
enough to experience. Kind of cosmic, I'd have to say. And
Jarrett would say, "Sweet."
see ya later, djb
yesterday. It was fun to hear from so many wonderful
people we hadn't heard from in a long time. And to see
those hard core folks who came out to the cemetery as they
do every year to pay their respects always warms our frozen
hearts. It's muddy, icy, snowy & cold out there. brrr
I know everyone is busy with their lives and we're not the
only ones in the world who have lost their children but the
people who make the effort to do something special and
leave their comfort zones really make our day happier.
A few minutes ago, I realized something kind of amazing
about last night's dinner at Rosita's. Bob and I got there a
little early and weren't sure exactly how many would show
up, so the lovely ladies who work there, put three tables
together so that we had enough room for 14 people. There
were eventually 11 of us.
While I was thinking about that, all of sudden, I realized that
the three empty chairs represented Andrew, Jarrett and who
else but Marcus. That's why it seemed as if there were a lot
more people there than actually were.... because their
ethereal spirits were with us and filled the empty spaces with
their heavenly aura and their loving light. It was simply a
magical feeling.
Marcus spoke at their funeral....and he was absolutely
hilarious. Every year, on March 3rd, he'd come to the
cemetery without fail. John's mom informed me that Marcus
visited the boys' grave a lot over the years. I learned that bit
of information while I was walking into the wake being held
for Marcus on November 24, 2006. What an amazing and
thoughtful young man.
Colleen and Jeannette gave me (us) a bouquet of flowers
that were beautiful and bright. When I put them in a vase, I
was struck by the thought -- "these are Jarrett colors." Vivid
yellows and oranges. He left an indelible impression --
distinct and brilliant!
The other amazing thing that happened, besides me not
being berserk, was that I didn't take one single picture. Say
what? ME? Not one. Not until we were driving home from
DeKalb, did I realize that I hadn't gotten my camera out all
day.
Rather than try to record the events of the day, I simply
immersed myself in each occasion that we were fortunate
enough to experience. Kind of cosmic, I'd have to say. And
Jarrett would say, "Sweet."
see ya later, djb
RIGHT: Jarrett
climbing the tree in
his ORANGE shirt
climbing the tree in
his ORANGE shirt
ABOVE: Colorful
flowers from
Colleen and Jeanette
flowers from
Colleen and Jeanette
RIGHT: Jarrett
eating eggs, wearing
his YELLOW shirt
and Hobbes wearing
his fur coat
eating eggs, wearing
his YELLOW shirt
and Hobbes wearing
his fur coat
LEFT: Jarrett
wearing his
RED
Crocodile Club
shirt
wearing his
RED
Crocodile Club
shirt
Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - Five years ago today, the phone rang
at 5:30 a.m. It was a nurse in the Critical Care Unit at Delnor Hospital
calling to tell me that Andrew's intercranial pressure was 75. It wasn't
supposed to be over 20 or it meant that his brain was swelling and
that wasn't a good sign. It meant that he wasn't going to make it.
Bob went in to the hospital right away. I remember calling Bruce
Conley and telling him that we'd let him know for sure but most likely
we were going to need another casket and it had to be exactly like
Jarrett's, otherwise, they'd fight.
When I walked into the CCU, none of the nurses would look at me -- I
guess they couldn't. It just added to the creepiness of the entire
situation. At 10 a.m., we got word that there was no activity in
Andrew's brain. Then, the discussion got around to organ donation.
Like vultures circling their prey....
Andrew signed his driver's license for organ donation when he finally
passed the driving test a few days after he turned 16. He told me, "I
think it's a good idea, Mom." So, we had no qualms about honoring
his wishes. In fact, after he passed the test, we stopped at Rosita's,
and I had a Corona because now I had a designated driver! He
laughed at me.
After we knew that Andrew was brain dead, we went in a conference
room with the Gift of Hope guy and he asked me a million questions
about Andrew and the dates he had various shots. Bob was amazed
that I remembered all that but I have association memory. I
remembered the hepatitis series of shots because that happened
right around the time I was diagnosed with ITP, and I'll never forget
that day.
They were able to use a lot of Andrew's body parts. Except they
couldn't use his lungs because of the drugs they had given him
before the brain surgery to alleviate the pressure.
The Gift of Hope people work so hard to convince you to donate your
loved one's organs, tissue, corneas, etc. but they don't work nearly as
hard to connect you to the people who received them. That seriously
pisses me off.
Yes, actually I did contact the Gift of Hope more than once. They
basically blew me off because they got their body parts. Buh bye...
Don't call unless your have more organs for us.
But, I do remember at the time saying that the sweet, sensitive letter
from that precious little girl who got Andrew's right kidney would be
enough for me. Apparently, some entity heard that in the ozone and
said, "Okay, we won't let you know who got his heart, liver, etc....."
Word of advice: If you ever get an organ from a dead child, write a
thank you letter to their parents. It's the very least you can do
because you're alive, and they're not! Thank you.
I'm not sad or weepy as I write this because I want the facts to be
written down as I remember them. Obviously, there is some kind of
divine intervention here. Maybe Andrew got a promotion to senior
comforter of sad people, and he's sending his good natured vibes to
his mom. If so, thanks, sweetie. I always called them sweetie. see ya
later, djb
at 5:30 a.m. It was a nurse in the Critical Care Unit at Delnor Hospital
calling to tell me that Andrew's intercranial pressure was 75. It wasn't
supposed to be over 20 or it meant that his brain was swelling and
that wasn't a good sign. It meant that he wasn't going to make it.
Bob went in to the hospital right away. I remember calling Bruce
Conley and telling him that we'd let him know for sure but most likely
we were going to need another casket and it had to be exactly like
Jarrett's, otherwise, they'd fight.
When I walked into the CCU, none of the nurses would look at me -- I
guess they couldn't. It just added to the creepiness of the entire
situation. At 10 a.m., we got word that there was no activity in
Andrew's brain. Then, the discussion got around to organ donation.
Like vultures circling their prey....
Andrew signed his driver's license for organ donation when he finally
passed the driving test a few days after he turned 16. He told me, "I
think it's a good idea, Mom." So, we had no qualms about honoring
his wishes. In fact, after he passed the test, we stopped at Rosita's,
and I had a Corona because now I had a designated driver! He
laughed at me.
After we knew that Andrew was brain dead, we went in a conference
room with the Gift of Hope guy and he asked me a million questions
about Andrew and the dates he had various shots. Bob was amazed
that I remembered all that but I have association memory. I
remembered the hepatitis series of shots because that happened
right around the time I was diagnosed with ITP, and I'll never forget
that day.
They were able to use a lot of Andrew's body parts. Except they
couldn't use his lungs because of the drugs they had given him
before the brain surgery to alleviate the pressure.
The Gift of Hope people work so hard to convince you to donate your
loved one's organs, tissue, corneas, etc. but they don't work nearly as
hard to connect you to the people who received them. That seriously
pisses me off.
Yes, actually I did contact the Gift of Hope more than once. They
basically blew me off because they got their body parts. Buh bye...
Don't call unless your have more organs for us.
But, I do remember at the time saying that the sweet, sensitive letter
from that precious little girl who got Andrew's right kidney would be
enough for me. Apparently, some entity heard that in the ozone and
said, "Okay, we won't let you know who got his heart, liver, etc....."
Word of advice: If you ever get an organ from a dead child, write a
thank you letter to their parents. It's the very least you can do
because you're alive, and they're not! Thank you.
I'm not sad or weepy as I write this because I want the facts to be
written down as I remember them. Obviously, there is some kind of
divine intervention here. Maybe Andrew got a promotion to senior
comforter of sad people, and he's sending his good natured vibes to
his mom. If so, thanks, sweetie. I always called them sweetie. see ya
later, djb
I took a picture of the
portrait of Andrew
holding Hobbes that
Mason Graham drew
for us.
It's behind glass so it
wasn't easy to get a
real clear picture.
But it is sweet!
portrait of Andrew
holding Hobbes that
Mason Graham drew
for us.
It's behind glass so it
wasn't easy to get a
real clear picture.
But it is sweet!
This is the last photo taken of Andrew. I gave him a
disposable camera and of course, he took a self-portrait.
disposable camera and of course, he took a self-portrait.
Someone brought this little angel bear to the hospital but left it
behind in a room after we told the kids Andrew was dead. Right
after that, they started making plans for the wake at the high
school. It gave them a direction to channel their grief. God bless
all those wonderful kids. We'll never forget what they did.
behind in a room after we told the kids Andrew was dead. Right
after that, they started making plans for the wake at the high
school. It gave them a direction to channel their grief. God bless
all those wonderful kids. We'll never forget what they did.
