Daily Journal - March 4 & 5, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008 - We had such a special day
yesterday. It was fun to hear from so many wonderful
people we hadn't heard from in a long time. And to see
those hard core folks who came out to the cemetery as
they do every year to pay their respects always warms our
frozen hearts. It's muddy, icy, snowy & cold out there. brrr
I know everyone is busy with their lives and we're not the
only ones in the world who have lost their children but the
people who make the effort to do something special and
leave their comfort zones really make our day happier.
A few minutes ago, I realized something kind of amazing
about last night's dinner at Rosita's. Bob and I got there a
little early and weren't sure exactly how many would show
up, so the lovely ladies who work there, put three tables
together so that we had enough room for 14 people.
There were eventually 11 of us.
While I was thinking about that, all of sudden, I realized
that the three empty chairs represented Andrew, Jarrett
and who else but Marcus. That's why it seemed as if
there were a lot more people there than actually were....
because their ethereal spirits were with us and filled the
empty spaces with their heavenly aura and their loving
light. It was simply a magical feeling.
Marcus spoke at their funeral....and he was absolutely
hilarious. Every year, on March 3rd, he'd come to the
cemetery without fail. John's mom informed me that
Marcus visited the boys' grave a lot over the years. I
learned that bit of information while I was walking into the
wake being held for Marcus on November 24, 2006.
What an amazing and thoughtful young man.
Colleen and Jeannette gave me (us) a bouquet of flowers
that were beautiful and bright. When I put them in a vase,
I was struck by the thought -- "these are Jarrett colors."
Vivid yellows and oranges. He left an indelible
impression -- distinct and brilliant!
The other amazing thing that happened, besides me not
being berserk, was that I didn't take one single picture.
Say what? ME? Not one. Not until we were driving home
from DeKalb, did I realize that I hadn't gotten my camera
out all day.
Rather than try to record the events of the day, I simply
immersed myself in each occasion that we were fortunate
enough to experience. Kind of cosmic, I'd have to say.
And Jarrett would say, "Sweet."
see ya later, djb
yesterday. It was fun to hear from so many wonderful
people we hadn't heard from in a long time. And to see
those hard core folks who came out to the cemetery as
they do every year to pay their respects always warms our
frozen hearts. It's muddy, icy, snowy & cold out there. brrr
I know everyone is busy with their lives and we're not the
only ones in the world who have lost their children but the
people who make the effort to do something special and
leave their comfort zones really make our day happier.
A few minutes ago, I realized something kind of amazing
about last night's dinner at Rosita's. Bob and I got there a
little early and weren't sure exactly how many would show
up, so the lovely ladies who work there, put three tables
together so that we had enough room for 14 people.
There were eventually 11 of us.
While I was thinking about that, all of sudden, I realized
that the three empty chairs represented Andrew, Jarrett
and who else but Marcus. That's why it seemed as if
there were a lot more people there than actually were....
because their ethereal spirits were with us and filled the
empty spaces with their heavenly aura and their loving
light. It was simply a magical feeling.
Marcus spoke at their funeral....and he was absolutely
hilarious. Every year, on March 3rd, he'd come to the
cemetery without fail. John's mom informed me that
Marcus visited the boys' grave a lot over the years. I
learned that bit of information while I was walking into the
wake being held for Marcus on November 24, 2006.
What an amazing and thoughtful young man.
Colleen and Jeannette gave me (us) a bouquet of flowers
that were beautiful and bright. When I put them in a vase,
I was struck by the thought -- "these are Jarrett colors."
Vivid yellows and oranges. He left an indelible
impression -- distinct and brilliant!
The other amazing thing that happened, besides me not
being berserk, was that I didn't take one single picture.
Say what? ME? Not one. Not until we were driving home
from DeKalb, did I realize that I hadn't gotten my camera
out all day.
Rather than try to record the events of the day, I simply
immersed myself in each occasion that we were fortunate
enough to experience. Kind of cosmic, I'd have to say.
And Jarrett would say, "Sweet."
see ya later, djb
RIGHT: Jarrett
climbing the tree in
his ORANGE shirt
climbing the tree in
his ORANGE shirt
ABOVE: Colorful
flowers from
Colleen and Jeanette
flowers from
Colleen and Jeanette
RIGHT: Jarrett
eating eggs, wearing
his YELLOW shirt
and Hobbes wearing
his fur coat
eating eggs, wearing
his YELLOW shirt
and Hobbes wearing
his fur coat
LEFT: Jarrett
wearing his RED
Crocodile Club
shirt
wearing his RED
Crocodile Club
shirt
Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - Five years ago today, the
phone rang at 5:30 a.m. It was a nurse in the Critical Care
Unit at Delnor Hospital calling to tell me that Andrew's
intercranial pressure was 75. It wasn't supposed to be over
20 or it meant that his brain was swelling and that wasn't a
good sign. It meant that he wasn't going to make it.
Bob went in to the hospital right away. I remember calling
Bruce Conley and telling him that we'd let him know for sure
but most likely we were going to need another casket and it
had to be exactly like Jarrett's, otherwise, they'd fight.
When I walked into the CCU, none of the nurses would look
at me -- I guess they couldn't. It just added to the creepiness
of the entire situation. At 10 a.m., we got word that there was
no activity in Andrew's brain. Then, the discussion got
around to organ donation. Like vultures circling their prey....
Andrew signed his driver's license for organ donation when
he finally passed the driving test a few days after he turned
16. He told me, "I think it's a good idea, Mom." So, we had
no qualms about honoring his wishes. In fact, after he
passed the test, we stopped at Rosita's, and I had a Corona
because now I had a designated driver! He laughed at me.
After we knew that Andrew was brain dead, we went in a
conference room with the Gift of Hope guy and he asked me
a million questions about Andrew and the dates he had
various shots. Bob was amazed that I remembered all that
but I have association memory. I remembered the hepatitis
series of shots because that happened right around the time
I was diagnosed with ITP, and I'll never forget that day.
They were able to use a lot of Andrew's body parts. Except
they couldn't use his lungs because of the drugs they had
given him before the brain surgery to alleviate the pressure.
The Gift of Hope people work so hard to convince you to
donate your loved one's organs, tissue, corneas, etc. but they
don't work nearly as hard to connect you to the people who
received them. That seriously pisses me off.
Yes, actually I did contact the Gift of Hope more than once.
They basically blew me off because they got their body parts.
Buh bye... Don't call unless your have more organs for us.
But, I do remember at the time saying that the sweet,
sensitive letter from that precious little girl who got Andrew's
right kidney would be enough for me. Apparently, some entity
heard that in the ozone and said, "Okay, we won't let you
know who got his heart, liver, etc....."
Word of advice: If you ever get an organ from a dead child,
write a thank you letter to their parents. It's the very least you
can do because you're alive, and they're not! Thank you.
I'm not sad or weepy as I write this because I want the facts
to be written down as I remember them. Obviously, there is
some kind of divine intervention here. Maybe Andrew got a
promotion to senior comforter of sad people, and he's
sending his good natured vibes to his mom. If so, thanks,
sweetie. I always called them sweetie. see ya later, djb
phone rang at 5:30 a.m. It was a nurse in the Critical Care
Unit at Delnor Hospital calling to tell me that Andrew's
intercranial pressure was 75. It wasn't supposed to be over
20 or it meant that his brain was swelling and that wasn't a
good sign. It meant that he wasn't going to make it.
Bob went in to the hospital right away. I remember calling
Bruce Conley and telling him that we'd let him know for sure
but most likely we were going to need another casket and it
had to be exactly like Jarrett's, otherwise, they'd fight.
When I walked into the CCU, none of the nurses would look
at me -- I guess they couldn't. It just added to the creepiness
of the entire situation. At 10 a.m., we got word that there was
no activity in Andrew's brain. Then, the discussion got
around to organ donation. Like vultures circling their prey....
Andrew signed his driver's license for organ donation when
he finally passed the driving test a few days after he turned
16. He told me, "I think it's a good idea, Mom." So, we had
no qualms about honoring his wishes. In fact, after he
passed the test, we stopped at Rosita's, and I had a Corona
because now I had a designated driver! He laughed at me.
After we knew that Andrew was brain dead, we went in a
conference room with the Gift of Hope guy and he asked me
a million questions about Andrew and the dates he had
various shots. Bob was amazed that I remembered all that
but I have association memory. I remembered the hepatitis
series of shots because that happened right around the time
I was diagnosed with ITP, and I'll never forget that day.
They were able to use a lot of Andrew's body parts. Except
they couldn't use his lungs because of the drugs they had
given him before the brain surgery to alleviate the pressure.
The Gift of Hope people work so hard to convince you to
donate your loved one's organs, tissue, corneas, etc. but they
don't work nearly as hard to connect you to the people who
received them. That seriously pisses me off.
Yes, actually I did contact the Gift of Hope more than once.
They basically blew me off because they got their body parts.
Buh bye... Don't call unless your have more organs for us.
But, I do remember at the time saying that the sweet,
sensitive letter from that precious little girl who got Andrew's
right kidney would be enough for me. Apparently, some entity
heard that in the ozone and said, "Okay, we won't let you
know who got his heart, liver, etc....."
Word of advice: If you ever get an organ from a dead child,
write a thank you letter to their parents. It's the very least you
can do because you're alive, and they're not! Thank you.
I'm not sad or weepy as I write this because I want the facts
to be written down as I remember them. Obviously, there is
some kind of divine intervention here. Maybe Andrew got a
promotion to senior comforter of sad people, and he's
sending his good natured vibes to his mom. If so, thanks,
sweetie. I always called them sweetie. see ya later, djb
I took a picture of
the portrait of
Andrew holding
Hobbes that Mason
Graham drew for us.
It's behind glass so
it wasn't easy to get
a real clear picture.
But it is sweet!
the portrait of
Andrew holding
Hobbes that Mason
Graham drew for us.
It's behind glass so
it wasn't easy to get
a real clear picture.
But it is sweet!
This is the last photo taken of Andrew. I gave him a
disposable camera and of course, he took a self-portrait.
disposable camera and of course, he took a self-portrait.
Someone brought this little angel bear to the hospital but left it
behind in a room after we told the kids Andrew was dead. Right
after that, they started making plans for the wake at the high
school. It gave them a direction to channel their grief. God bless
all those wonderful kids. We'll never forget what they did.
behind in a room after we told the kids Andrew was dead. Right
after that, they started making plans for the wake at the high
school. It gave them a direction to channel their grief. God bless
all those wonderful kids. We'll never forget what they did.
