My Voice (my personal musings from 2005 & 2006)
Forever in Our Hearts (newspaper articles about the accident 2003)
(a few more pictures - a work in progress)
(a poem or two)
I love to see the pictures of us all together.
It reminds me that they were actually here
on earth!
It reminds me that they were actually here
on earth!
Andrew's 11th birthday - for some reason, I
used black and white film?
used black and white film?
We put this in the
Elburn Herald for
Andrew's 18th
birthday two years
ago today
Elburn Herald for
Andrew's 18th
birthday two years
ago today
Jarrett, Eric, Donna, Andrew and Bob
ANDREW
JARRETT
HOBBES
Mothers hold their children's hands for just a little while, but their hearts forever.
Happy Valentine's Day to my saintly boys in heaven.
February 9, 2006 - When I read about how I felt last year, it amazes me how far I've come down the Grief Road.
Don't get me wrong, I could go berserk any time, but something did seem to happen a few weeks ago that changed in
my brain. Maybe it occurred when it was a 1000 days since they died (that's supposed to be some sort of old time
grief benchmark). Maybe my brain did make a new connection.
I don't think you can cry every single day for three years. Your eyes would just look weird. - mine would definitely look
very weird and puffy - and scary! I've cried for days, that's for sure. Heart-wrenching sobbing that just didn't stop and I
couldn't catch my breath - yeah, like that.
Don't get me wrong, I could go berserk any time, but something did seem to happen a few weeks ago that changed in
my brain. Maybe it occurred when it was a 1000 days since they died (that's supposed to be some sort of old time
grief benchmark). Maybe my brain did make a new connection.
I don't think you can cry every single day for three years. Your eyes would just look weird. - mine would definitely look
very weird and puffy - and scary! I've cried for days, that's for sure. Heart-wrenching sobbing that just didn't stop and I
couldn't catch my breath - yeah, like that.
In the newspaper this morning, I read that books about grief are starting to be on the best selling list because some
female author (I'm thinking Joan Didion) chronicled her grief journey after her husband died. It's so nice that someone
famous can make grief seem to be cool now. Gee whiz. Give me a break.
Human emotions are pretty much universal. My cousin, Don and his wife, Pat, sent me a book about parents who lost
their children in the United Kingdom - same emotions - same words.....all sad. People are people. Well, except for
that guy that allegedly killed his wife and baby that's been in the news the past few weeks. That is just weird and very
creepy. Especially to me. How could anyone possibly do that? Unimaginable. But it does happen, I guess. Sad,
very sad.
female author (I'm thinking Joan Didion) chronicled her grief journey after her husband died. It's so nice that someone
famous can make grief seem to be cool now. Gee whiz. Give me a break.
Human emotions are pretty much universal. My cousin, Don and his wife, Pat, sent me a book about parents who lost
their children in the United Kingdom - same emotions - same words.....all sad. People are people. Well, except for
that guy that allegedly killed his wife and baby that's been in the news the past few weeks. That is just weird and very
creepy. Especially to me. How could anyone possibly do that? Unimaginable. But it does happen, I guess. Sad,
very sad.
I like this picture of me with the
boys that was taken at Christmas
in 1989 because it isn't the perfect
picture. It's just how we were - less
than perfect but we had the time of
our lives!!!!!!!!! see ya, djb
boys that was taken at Christmas
in 1989 because it isn't the perfect
picture. It's just how we were - less
than perfect but we had the time of
our lives!!!!!!!!! see ya, djb
Jarrett, Donna (eyes closed) and Andrew in 1989
I will not forget you...I have held
you in the palm of my hand.
Isaiah 49:15
you in the palm of my hand.
Isaiah 49:15
I remember how much he loved his inline skates. He'd practice for hours and hours and
hours to perfect some sort of move that always had a very provocative name. And he'd
have scratches and scrapes and bruises all over the place but that didn't stop him for
very long. We had joy, we had fun.....and lots of brown salve and band-aids. -djb
hours to perfect some sort of move that always had a very provocative name. And he'd
have scratches and scrapes and bruises all over the place but that didn't stop him for
very long. We had joy, we had fun.....and lots of brown salve and band-aids. -djb
Jarrett sliding on his rail in the driveway
Quote from Andrew: "When it snows, the ground
is dressed up like a ghost."
is dressed up like a ghost."
THE MYTH OF "GETTING OVER IT" -- The article (below) was in a Compassionate Friends' newsletter. I
had this notion before Andrew and Jarrett died. In fact, I believe I actually voiced this opinion several times ---
"why isn't she over it? It was a long time ago. You'd think she'd be over it!" duh.
Now, through my own personal experience, I know better. I'll never get over it. Maybe that's why some people
steer clear of me. Maybe that's why if you talk to me long enough, I'll talk about my boys. But a lot of people
simply can't handle it - they're uncomfortable and they avoid me like the plague.
I have some theories. I think it might be the association theory. If they associate with me, my bad luck cooties
might get on them and their kid might die . Or whenever see me, they DON'T see my children and they
remember that they died (like I would ever forget that!). It's just too sad. Too much to handle. Or they're
uncomfortable talking about death.
But this article nails it. This is how I feel. I can't say everyone feels this way, but I can tell you this, when I read the
article, it resonated with me. I haven't had a day lately where I sob all day and feel like crying forever, but it could
happen tomorrow. I never know. If it happens, then I'll cry.
There's really nothing I can do to anticipate it or avoid it. As long as I have a breath in my body, I'll spend it
remembering Andrew and Jarrett. I'll honor their memories because that's what I want to do because they are my
saintly boys. ~djb
had this notion before Andrew and Jarrett died. In fact, I believe I actually voiced this opinion several times ---
"why isn't she over it? It was a long time ago. You'd think she'd be over it!" duh.
Now, through my own personal experience, I know better. I'll never get over it. Maybe that's why some people
steer clear of me. Maybe that's why if you talk to me long enough, I'll talk about my boys. But a lot of people
simply can't handle it - they're uncomfortable and they avoid me like the plague.
I have some theories. I think it might be the association theory. If they associate with me, my bad luck cooties
might get on them and their kid might die . Or whenever see me, they DON'T see my children and they
remember that they died (like I would ever forget that!). It's just too sad. Too much to handle. Or they're
uncomfortable talking about death.
But this article nails it. This is how I feel. I can't say everyone feels this way, but I can tell you this, when I read the
article, it resonated with me. I haven't had a day lately where I sob all day and feel like crying forever, but it could
happen tomorrow. I never know. If it happens, then I'll cry.
There's really nothing I can do to anticipate it or avoid it. As long as I have a breath in my body, I'll spend it
remembering Andrew and Jarrett. I'll honor their memories because that's what I want to do because they are my
saintly boys. ~djb
* * *
from: The Compassionate Friends newsletter
* * *
Andrew and Jarrett when they were very young
* * *
Just a Thought: The death of someone we know
always reminds us that we are still alive - perhaps for some
purpose which we ought to re-examine. ~Mignon McLaughlin
always reminds us that we are still alive - perhaps for some
purpose which we ought to re-examine. ~Mignon McLaughlin
Last picture of Andrew - he took it himself on March 1, 2003
Last picture of Jarrett - taken by Andrew on March 1, 2003
* * *
I know how she feels.
* * *
January 26th - this is what I saw when I went to their grave...
This is what I saw after I left my footprints in the snow...
* * *
Missing You Both
(their thoughts & feelings)